as a procrastinating overachiever i feel like i don’t necessarily “half-ass” things, it’s more like a “3/4 ass”. like overall did i do pretty well? yeah. did i reach my maximum potential though? i think the fuck Not.
I still laugh when I think about the fact that the Ministry of Magic employs people to come up with explanations for magic-related incidents for Muggles.
I need a mockumentary in the style of Parks & Rec about the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee sitting around a table brainstorming excuses as a floating quill and roll of parchment record everything. The Muggleborns on the committee constantly look into the camera like they’re on The Office.
I don’t think you understand how much I want to be magical just so I could work for this office
“Oh yes, ma’am, you were hallucinating. Giants don’t exist.”
“No, no, you simply saw a man riding a horse, don’t be preposterous. A man can’t be a horse.”
“Come now, be reasonable. Everybody knows a Ford Anglia can’t… can’t fly…… Excuse me, I need to call a colleague of mine to ask him about, ah, something entirely unrelated.”
Addition: imagine being the cousin of a muggle-born wizard or witch who works for this office. You work at HuffPo or CNN and every so often you get a text saying “just say it was northern lights”
and your stress migraine kicks in, because whatever just happened, it’s definitely not going to pass for northern lights
wow what a beautiful sunrise! the house is so peaceful and quiet. i feel really tired but i don't have to do anything but just sit here and enjoy the morning. what a pleasant feeling
getting up at 6 am because you have to:
these covers draped upon my mortal coil have become the dirt above my casket. my corpse refuses to unsettle the earth to rise from its grave. i have been dead for centuries and have no intentions to assimilate once more into the tragic world of the living
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